Here’s what the editors had to say about ‘The Salesman’
Hema did an excellent job of showing, rather than telling in this piece. She demonstrated the age of the salesman and gave us a snapshot of his life in the few short words it took to describe his hand, by his use of the honorific didi when he spoke, and again when the narrator put her sunglasses back on, dismissing the salesman with that simple move. And she showed us the salesman’s skill and cheekiness through the twinkling diamonds in his eyes.
The piece was also well paced and structured, and gave us a complete story in just 50 words. This was a lovely example of what makes an Editor’s Pick.
“Ten rupees for this bouquet, Didi. Just as pretty as you.” A little hand, grimy and callused, knocked on the car window.
“I know you get flowers from the cemetery.” I put my sunglasses back on.
“But what will the dead do with flowers?” The diamonds in his eyes twinkled.
****
I want to read more!
I want to read more Hema! And nor sure if if I’ve now commented twice!
Thank you, Sue! Sorry about the comment box, my site’s been acting up lately. I’ll fix it. I wrote this for a micro-story challenge. You should try it too! You’ll love it 🙂
I might try that Hema thank you
Beautiful prose
<3 <3
True that! Which begs the question…why do we leave flowers for the dead? Nicely written. I love the little descriptions of the child.
Hmm..interesting. Leaves you wanting more.
Thanks, Shantala!
Awesome und super! I love the way his eyes twinkled
Thank you!
My heart goes for the little girl with flowers. And aptly she has questioned as what will the dead do with flowers. Hope humans learn to care about little flowers. Lived your story and the fluid narration.
I love your comment, Kalpana. Thank you for reading!
I feel awful for the child with flowers. Your protagonist seems quite mean to her. 🙁
Unfortunately it’s not entirely fictional. She is kinda mean, but 50 words weren’t enough to write about what happened next 🙂
Who is it? I’m very intrigued.
Haha! Could be me. But it’s a common sight in India. Little children selling flowers and other knick-knacks at traffic signals. It’s sad. But they’re so street smart.
I agree with the kid!
Me too.
Love the idea that someone can make a living off of the dead.And you are so right about the compliments ‘pretty as you’ that flow out of those poor children.
Unfortunately it’s not entirely fictional. Thanks for reading!
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This was splendid! Well deserved editor’s pick 🙂