Living inside a Thermos Flask

      9 Comments on Living inside a Thermos Flask

…is lonely. Days and nights meld together between its insulating walls. Ghosts of your past life haunt you. They torture you with glimpses of the time before you started living in the flask, a time when you were happy, when you used to laugh, wear make-up. You were someone then. “Not anymore. You chose this,” they cackle.

They’re right. You chose this responsibility of guarding the flask’s contents, of nourishing it, holding it and keeping it safe, but nobody told you that this job would consume you. That your body would groan and ache in places you never knew existed. That your identity and existence would dissolve into what’s inside.

Sometimes you hear signs of life – your partner watching TV, music from that party in 11B that you were invited to, the roar of vehicles, and strangers laughing on the road outside.

“You’re trapped now.” The voices hiss. You tell yourself they aren’t real, that this is just a fleeting phase, but as dusk approaches, the howling and cackling only grow louder.

Living inside a thermos flask is scary, sort of like living with postpartum depression.

9 thoughts on “Living inside a Thermos Flask

  1. Asha

    💜💜💜 Sending you so much love. Also, I’m fully taking credit for getting you writing again (it has absolutely nothing to do with me, but whatever, I’m still taking credit!). Also also, this was a visceral description of the stifling, intensely lonely nature of PPD/PND, and you really need to write more on this. It clearly comes from a place of deep connection and emotion, and that’s evident to the reader.

    Reply
    1. mixedbag Post author

      Asha!! All credits to you! I just posted thanks to you on the coffeehouse and then realized you’re out because of the SC. Thank you so much, I needed a kick in the pants , haha! ❤️❤️

      Reply
      1. Asha

        Lol yes, I’m in exile from the coffeehouse during the SC, but let’s focus on the bigger picture here: YOU’RE WRITING AND POSTING AGAIN! HOORAH!!

        Reply
          1. Asha

            You can do it!! Remember the old adage: how do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. Small, manageable chunks of writing till you get your sea-legs back (it’ll help to keep your writing tight too).

  2. Jen Mierisch

    Thank you for writing about this. It is a difficult topic. I did not have full-on PPD but I had something close to it. I remember how incredibly isolated, consumed, and sometimes even panicked I felt. It was the worst time of my life, while everyone was telling me, “oh, enjoy this special time!” I hope you do write more about it!

    Reply
    1. mixedbag Post author

      Thank you, Jen! It’s so hard being a parent, it’s like throwing ourselves to the deep end when we cannot swim 😄

      Reply

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